Coffee House Poetry » The Quote File

The Quote File

. . . perfectly ordinary books, printed on commonplace paper in mundane ink. It would be a mistake to think that they weren't also dangerous, just because reading them didn't make fireworks go off in the sky. Reading them sometimes did the more dangerous trick of making fireworks go off in the privacy of the reader's brain.

-- Terry Pratchett, Soul Music

You need only reflect that one of the best ways to get yourself a reputation as a dangerous citizen these days is to go about repeating the very phrases which our founding fathers used in the struggle for independence.

-- Charles Austin Beard

Calvin: You can't just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood.
Hobbes: What mood is that?
Calvin: Last-minute panic.

Everybody loves a hero. People line up for them, cheer them, scream their names. And, years later tell how they stood for hours in the cold rain just to catch a glimpse of the one who taught them to hold on a second longer. I believe there's a hero in all of us who keeps us honest, gives us strength, makes us noble, and finally allows us to die with pride, even though sometimes we have to be steady, and give up the thing we want the most. Even our dreams.

-- Aunt May, Spiderman 2

The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it.

-- Albert Einstein

Brock Samson: Now, Hank, touch your throat. That tube you feel is your trachea. Think of it as your handle. That thing your thumb is on is your carotid artery. Think of it as your button. I want you to grab the handle, push the button. Can you repeat that, Hank?
Hank Venture: [gasping] Grab the handle, push the button.
Brock Samson: Let go of your own throat, Hank.

-- The Venture Bros.

So you see, by applying the basic principles of the scientific method to the matter, we learn very quickly that the myth of the chupacabra is just that - utter crap. Now, if you apply the same principles to Catholicism, an interesting thing occurs...

-- Dr. Venture, The Venture Bros.

"And I suppose you know what sound is made by one hand clapping, do you?" said the holy man nastily.
YES. CL. THE OTHER HAND MAKES THE AP.

-- Terry Pratchett, Soul Music

[. . .] the first man to hear the voice of Om, and who gave Om his view of humans, was a shepherd and not a goatherd. They have quite different ways of looking at the world, and the whole of history might have been different. For sheep are stupid and have to be driven. But goats are intelligent and have to be led.

-- Terry Pratchett, Small Gods

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

-- George Carlin

Demons have existed on the Discworld for at least as long as the gods, who in many ways they closely resemble. The difference is basically the same as between terrorists and freedom fighters.

- Terry Pratchett, Eric

Death Before Dishonor. Nothing Before Coffee.

Today's Mighty Oak Is Just Yesterday's Nut That Held It's Ground.

Everything I Know I Learned By Killing Smart People and Eating Their Brains.

Age and Treachery Overcome Youth and Enthusiasm.

Anything Which Does Not Kill Me Had Better Do Enough Damage To Keep Me From Firing Back.

Granny Weatherwax was often angry. She considered it one of her strong points. Genuine anger was one of the world's greatest creative forces. But you had to learn how to control it. That didn't mean you let it trickle away, it meant you dammed it, carefully, let it develop a working head, let it drown whole valleys of the mind and then, just when the whole structure was about to collapse, opened a tiny pipeline at the base and let the iron-hard stream of wrath power the turbines of revenge.

-- Terry Pratchett, Wyrd Sisters

We must have strong minds, ready to accept facts as they are.

-- Harry S. Truman

The world needs anger. The world often continues to allow evil because it isn't angry enough.

-- Bede Jarrett, The House of Gold

The beauty of religious mania is that it has the power to explain everything. Once God (or Satan) is accepted as the first cause of everything which happens in the mortal world, nothing is left to chance . . . logic can be happily tossed out the window.

-- Stephen King

Writing is easy. All you do is stare at a blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead.

-- Gene Fowler

It is easy to be brave from a safe distance.

-- Aesop

Chocolate causes certain endocrine glands to secrete hormones that affect your feelings and behavior by making you happy. Therefore, it counteracts depression, in turn reducing the stress of depression. Your stress-free life helps you maintain a youthful disposition, both physically and mentally. So, eat lots of chocolate!

-- Elaine Sherman, Book of Divine Indulgences

It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity.

-- Dave Barry

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect.

-- Mark Twain

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.

-- Bernard Williams

You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true.

-- Grey's Anatomy

Fairy tales do not tell children the dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children the dragons can be killed.

-- G. K. Chesterson

I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.

-- Frank Herbert, "Litany Against Fear"

They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.

-- Benjamin Franklin

Liberty is a harsh mistress. You cannot pick and choose what you like and dislike about her. Liberty will not change her principles for you, no matter how much you claim to love her. She will stand fast in her demands for total acceptance. If you can't receive her, she will recognize you as a false lover and leave you. And when you hear that door slam, it will take every tear in your eye, every ounce of blood in your veins, and all the nerve in your heart to win her back.

-- Bill Masters

I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.

-- S. G. Tallentyre

Usually, terrible things that are done with the excuse that progress requires them are not really progress at all, but just terrible things.

-- Russell Baker

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.

-- H. L. Mencken

One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors.

-- Plato

You don't have to burn books to destroy a culture. Just get people to stop reading them.

-- Ray Bradbury

I believe that sometimes you have to look reality in the eye and deny it.

-- Garrison Keillor

It is an old maxim of mine that when you have excluded the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.

-- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, "The Beryl Coronet"

Because I am a woman, I must make unusual efforts to succeed. If I fail, no one will say, "She doesn't have what it takes." They will say, "Women don't have what it takes."

-- Clare Boothe Luce

Albert grunted. "Do you know what happens to lads who ask too many questions?"
Mort thought for a moment.
"No," he said eventually, "what?"
There was silence.
Then Albert straightened up and said, "Damned if I know. Probably they get answers, and serve 'em right."

-- Terry Pratchett, Mort

The duke had a mind that ticked like a clock and, like a clock, it regularly went cuckoo.

-- Terry Pratchett, Wyrd Sisters

A lie can run round the world before the truth has got its boots on.

-- Terry Pratchett, The Truth

"Multiple exclamation marks," he went on, shaking his head, "are a sure sign of a diseased mind."

-- Terry Pratchett, Eric

"You can't go around building a better world for people. Only people can build a better world for people. Otherwise it's just a cage."

-- Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

His philosophy was a mixture of three famous schools -- the Cynics, the Stoics and the Epicureans -- and summed up all three of them in his famous phrase, "You can't trust any bugger further than you can throw him, and there's nothing you can do about it, so let's have a drink." (Dydactylos the philosopher)

-- Terry Pratchett, Small Gods

"He says gods like to see an atheist around. Gives them something to aim at."

-- Terry Pratchett, Small Gods

In the Beginning there was nothing, which exploded.

-- Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies

The Monks of Cool, whose tiny and exclusive monastery is hidden in a really cool and laid-back valley in the lower Ramtops, have a passing-out test for a novice. He is taken into a room full of all types of clothing and asked: Yo, my son, which of these is the most stylish thing to wear? And the correct answer is: Hey, whatever I select.

-- Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies

SCIENCE: A way of finding things out and then making them work. Science explains what is happening around us the whole time. So does RELIGION, but science is better because it comes up with more understandable excuses when it is wrong. There is a lot more Science than you think. (From A Scientific Encyclopedia for the Inquiring Young Nome by Angalo de Haberdasheri)

-- Terry Pratchett, Wings

He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife.

-- Douglas Adams

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.

-- Douglas Adams, Last Chance to See

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

-- George Carlin

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

-- George Carlin

Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart.

-- Confucius

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

-- Groucho Marx

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats.

-- H. L. Mencken

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.

-- Will Rogers

This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.

-- Will Rogers

I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.

-- Mark Twain

Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.

-- Mark Twain

A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.

-- Mark Twain

Creationists make it sound as though a 'theory' is something you dreamt up after being drunk all night.

-- Isaac Asimov

The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshiped anything but himself.

Richard Burton

Theology is never any help; it is searching in a dark cellar at midnight for a black cat that isn't there. Theologians can persuade themselves of anything.

-- Robert A. Heinlein

I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.

-- Mohandas Gandhi

If a man would follow, today, the teachings of the Old Testament, he would be a criminal. If he would follow strictly the teachings of the New, he would be insane.

-- Robert Green Ingersoll

Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason, than that of blind-folded fear.

-- Thomas Jefferson

We must respect the other fellow's religion,but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.

-- H. L. Mencken

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

-- Mark Twain

Why hate someone for the color of their skin when there are much better reasons to hate them?

-- Denis Leary

Smoking takes ten years off your life. Well it's the ten worst years, isn't it folks? It's the ones at the end! It's the wheelchair, kidney dialysis, adult diaper fucking years. You can have those years! We don't want 'em, alright?

-- Denis Leary

Happiness comes in small doses folks. It's a cigarette butt, or a chocolate chip cookie or a five second orgasm. You come, you smoke the butt you eat the cookie you go to sleep wake up and go back to fucking work the next morning, THAT'S IT! End of fucking list!

-- Denis Leary

Stuff your eyes with wonder . . . live as if you'd drop dead in ten seconds. See the world. It's more fantastic than any dream made or paid for in factories.

-- Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451

That was black magic, and it was easy to use. Easy and fun. Like Legos.

-- Jim Butcher, Fool Moon

Thunder, lightning
The wind outside is so damn frightening
But it's all right, all right
Stand clear
You're living in the hurricane years

-- Alice Cooper, Hurricane Years

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbow'd.

-- William Ernest Henley, Invictus

"Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful."

-- Joshua J. Marine

"Holy shit," I breathed. "Hellhounds."
"Harry," Michael said sternly. "You know I hate it when you swear."
"You're right. Sorry. Holy shit," I breathed. "Heckhounds".

-- Jim Butcher, Grave Peril

In my lifetime, we've gone from Eisenhower to George W. Bush. We've gone from John F. Kennedy to Al Gore. If this is evolution, I believe that in 12 years, we'll be voting for plants.

-- Lewis Black

Whenever someone says they believe the earth was created in 7 days, I grab a fossil and say, "Fossil." And if they keep talking, I throw it just over their heads.

-- Lewis Black

There are people who believe that humans and dinosaurs co-existed. And what this is, plain and simple, is a psychotic reaction. These people are stone-cold-fuck nuts. I can't be nice about this, because these people are watching the Flinstones as if it were a documentary.

-- Lewis Black

I was at the International House of Pancakes when, from behind me, a young woman of 25 uttered the dumbest thing I ever heard in my life. That was until Dan Quayle was elected the vice president and things took a turn. She said 'If it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college.' I'll repeat that. I'll repeat that because that's the kind of sentence that when your brain hears it, it comes to a screeching halt. And the left-hand side of the brain looks at the right-hand side of the brain and says, 'It's dark in here, and we may die!' She said, if it weren't for my horse -- as in, giddyup giddyup, let's go -- I wouldn't have spent that year in college, a degree-granting institution. Don't, DON'T think about that for more than three minutes or blood will shoot out of your nose.

-- Lewis Black

You can't say it doesn't matter what we're doing 'cause we're trying to get Al Qaeda. It matters what we do. We're America. That's more important than Al Qaeda.

-- Rachel Maddow

Researchers say they are baffled by a newly discovered discrepancy: While only forty-three percent of husbands say good-bye to their wives when they leave the house, over ninety-nine percent of men say good-bye to the house when they leave their wives.

-- Doc Webster's Last Joke, Callahan's Con, Spider Robinson

Asked how a student dressed entirely in black, wearing a mask, and brandishing a sword could have gained access to the building, school officials cited their new Zorro-tolerance policy.

-- Doc Webster's Last Pun, Callahan's Con, Spider Robinson

All that time I spent watching people die for a living . . . watching their loved ones buckle with grief and loss . . . seeing that all human lives begin with agony and most of them end with it . . . that no more than five or ten percent of real-life stories, if that, get anything you could possibly call a happy ending -- that a good half of even those of us lucky enough to die in a hospital bed die in unbearable pain, which God allegedly forbids us to shorten . . . that when we beg Him on our knees for ten thousand years straight to explain why this torture must happen, to as many souls as procreatively possible, all we get back is "Trust me." I can understand people who believe in God, Jacob. I just can't understand why they aren't trying their best to kill the motherfucker.

-- Doc Webster, Callahan's Con, Spider Robinson

Seeing a murder on television... can help work off one's antagonisms. And if you haven't any antagonisms, the commercials will give you some.

-- Alfred Hitchcock

Let it be your constant method to look into the design of people's actions, and see what they would be at, as often as it is practicable; and to make this custom the more significant, practice it first upon yourself.

-- Marcus Aurelius

"Vos vestros servate, meos mihi linquite mores"
"You keep to your own ways, and leave mine to me"

Plutarch

Paint on my cruel or happy face
I hide me behind it
It takes me inside another place
Where no-one can find it

-- Alice Cooper, Escape

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who matter don't mind, and those that mind, don't matter.

-- Dr. Seuss (Theodor Seuss Geisel)

They ask what it is that I want written
On the gravestone where I'll lie
Tell them it's just my bones
That died there
So save the tears they'll cry
My spirit is still riding somewhere
Somewhere in this night
When it's these three words that come to me
As I kiss this world goodbye
Never say die

-- Bon Jovi, Never Say Die

"You always a wiseass?"
"No. Sometimes I'm asleep."

-- Jim Butcher, Blood Rites

Three quarters of the American population literally believe in religious miracles. The numbers who believe in the devil, in resurrection, in God doing this and that -- it's astonishing. These numbers aren't duplicated anywhere else in the industrial world. You'd have to maybe go to mosques in Iran or do a poll among old ladies in Sicily to get numbers like this. Yet this is the American population.

-- Noam Chomsky

You can always count on Americans to do the right thing - after they've tried everything else.

-- Sir Winston Churchill

Anyone can become angry - that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way; this is not easy.

-- Aristotle

When you're a Jet
You're a Jet all the way
From your first cigarette
Till your last dyin day
When you're a Jet
Let 'em do what they can
Little boy, you got friends
You're a family man

-- Alice Cooper, Gutter Cat vs. the Jets

The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it.

-- Albert Einstein

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.

-- Dave Barry

Oh, Tuesday just might go my way
It can't get worse than yesterday
Thursdays, Fridays ain't been kind
But somehow I'll survive

-- Bon Jovi, Someday I'll Be Saturday Night

Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he's talking about.

-- Sam Ewig

Gods are fragile things; they may be killed by a whiff of science or a dose of common sense.

-- Chapman Cohen

These days - the stars seem out of reach
These days - there ain't a ladder on these streets
These days - are fast, love don't last in this graceless age
There ain't nobody left but us these days

-- Bon Jovi, These Days

I want a rusty ax
I wanna know voodoo
A fat bitch named Bridget
And a little sip of Faygo too
'Till I get my shit in this motherfucker
I will never die!

-- ICP, I Want My Shit

Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.

-- Buddha

I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge -- myth is more potent than history -- dreams are more powerful than facts -- hope always triumphs over experience -- laughter is the cure for grief -- love is stronger than death.

-- Robert Fulghum, The Storyteller's Creed

And I don't need a hero
I don't need a soldier
I did when I was younger -
But now that I'm older
I don't need a father,
I don't wanna be your mother
It's just that anyone of us is half
Without another one is you

-- Concrete Blonde, I Don't Need A Hero

Most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally evil, but by people being fundamentally people.

-- Terry Pratchett

Paranoid? Probably. But just because you're paranoid doesn't mean there isn't an invisible demon about to eat your face.

-- Jim Butcher, Storm Front

Fiction is the truth inside the lie.

-- Stephen King

I watched Titanic when I got back home from the hospital, and cried. I knew that my IQ had been damaged.

-- Stephen King

The place where you made your stand never mattered. Only that you were there... and still on your feet.

-- Stephen King

When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, "Why God? Why me?" and the thundering voice of God answered, "There's just something about you that pisses me off."

-- Stephen King

Shared pain is lessened; shared joy is increased; thus do we refute entropy

-- Spider Robinson

If ten thousand medieval peasants create vampires by believing them real, then one, probably a child, will imagine the stake necessary to kill it. But a stake is only stupid wood; the mind is the mallet which drives it home.

-- Stephen King, "It"

This is very similar to the suggestion put forward by the Quirmian philosopher Ventre, who said, "Possibly the gods exist, and possibly they do not. So why not believe in them in any case? If it's all true you'll go to a lovely place when you die, and if it isn't then you've lost nothing, right?" When he died he woke up in a circle of gods holding nasty-looking sticks and one of them said, "We're going to show you what we think of Mr. Clever Dick in these parts . . . "

-- Terry Pratchett, "Hogfather"

I ain't as good as I once was
My how the years have flown
But there was a time, back in my prime
When I could really hold my own
But if you wanna fight tonight
Guess those boys don't look all that tough
I ain't as good as I once was
But I'm as good once as I ever was

-- Toby Keith As Good As I Once Was

I told the priest, don't count on any second coming
God got his ass kicked the first time he came down here slumming
He had the balls to come, the gall to die, and then forgive us
No, I don't wonder why, I wonder what he thought it would get us
Hey, hey, good bye
Tomorrow, Wendy's going to die

-- Concrete Blonde, Tomorrow Wendy

What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I tried so hard
And got so far, but in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall to lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter

-- Linkin Park, In The End

It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

-- Terry Pratchett, "Jingo"

We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds if we felt like it.

-- Dave Barry

Laws are silent in times of war.

-- Cicero

Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under.

-- H. L. Mencken

The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.

-- H. L. Mencken

He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.

-- Friedrich Nietzsche

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

-- Will Rogers

On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does.

-- Will Rogers

We are all here for a spell; get all the good laughs you can.

-- Will Rogers

Reality continues to ruin my life.

-- Bill Watterson

Humanity practically was things that didn't have a position in time and space, such as imagination, pity, hope, history, and belief. Take those away and all you had was an ape that fell out of trees a lot.

-- Terry Pratchett, "Thief of Time"

There is no "I" in team. There are two "I"s in Vin Diesel. Fuck you, team.

-- Vin Diesel Fact Generator

Crop circles are Vin's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

-- Vin Diesel Fact Generator

Vin Diesel invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

-- Vin Diesel Fact Generator

Vin Diesel is the only one who can "try this at home."

-- Vin Diesel Fact Generator

When he was nine, Vin Diesel dressed as himself to go trick-or-treating. He came home with a bag full of candy, a bag full of miniature liquor bottles, an Irish Setter, and two underage prostitutes carrying more of his candy.

-- Vin Diesel Fact Generator

Vin Diesel was originally cast as Aragorn in Lord of the Rings. He was fired for eating the Hobbits between takes and making Orlando Bloom his bitch.

-- Vin Diesel Fact Generator

The book "Wost Case Scenario," discusses ways to run from many different deadly animals. The page entitled "Running from Vin Diesel" simply says "Good luck."

-- Vin Diesel Fact Generator

As part of his morning routine, Vin Diesel stretches by defeating 20 armed ninjas that jump out of various household appliances.

-- Vin Diesel Fact Generator

A few people can lift Thor's hammer, but Vin Diesel's the only one who can beat Thor's ass with it.

-- Vin Diesel Fact Generator

If Vin Diesel fell in the forest, and no one was watching, it would sound like Beethoven's Ninth. If he fell in the forest, and someone was watching, he would beat that guy to a bloody pulp. But the screams of agony would still sound like Beethoven's Ninth.

-- Vin Diesel Fact Generator

Gravity doesn't exist. Mr. T just pities everything to stay the fuck down. Birds and planes are exempt because they are shaped like Ts.

-- Mr. T Fact Generator

Asteroids do not hit the Earth because Mr. T swings a redwood tree to bat them back into outer space. The one that killed the dinosaurs was high and to the outside, and Mr. T wisely checked his swing.

-- Mr. T Fact Generator

Mr. T and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.

-- Mr. T Fact Generator

There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going to walk.

-- Mr. T Fact Generator

Mr. T has beat the shit out of so many people over his brilliant life that most medical journals now classify him as a laxative.

-- Mr. T Fact Generator

The turning point of World War II was not when the allies invaded Normandy, but when Mr. T was born and Hitler shot himself to avoid the consequences.

-- Mr. T Fact Generator

Ever have one of those nights when you'd wake up panting and sweating? That was Mr.T, and you my friend, have just been pitied.

-- Mr. T Fact Generator

Mr.T does not grow a mohawk on purpose. It's actually just his hair trying to give you the finger.

-- Mr. T Fact Generator

23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.

-- Mr. T Fact Generator

Mr. T does not know you personally, but the odds are 7 in 10 that he pities you.

-- Mr. T Fact Generator

Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.