Punday Night: Those Who Throw Dirt Are Sure To Lose Ground.
t was a dull, dreary day in the town of Four Corners. The dullness was on account of the fact that Four Corners had acquired itself seven peacekeepers. Whereas previously to the arrival of the ‘Magnificent Seven’ rowdies tended to congregate in the small town, nowadays rabble-rousers tended to give Four Corners a wide berth. The dreariness was due to the rain that had been falling nonstop since early morning. The peacekeepers had chosen to remain comfortable and dry in the confines of their favorite gathering place, the saloon. They were currently occupied in the activity of trading tall tales between games of cards.
Vin Tanner had passed the morning pleasantly enough in the saloon’s dim interior. His fellow peacekeepers provided a welcome contrast to the otherwise gloomy day.
It was Chris’ turn to deal. Predictably enough, Chris called for a standard game of five-card draw. The initial round of betting proceeded quickly enough. Both Josiah and Nathan tossed in their hands. The second round of betting was a different story. JD had been playing conservatively for most of the day. More than a few eyebrows were raised when JD declined to draw any more cards.
Buck agonized over the significance of that action. “Now, kid, I hope that you don’t think that I think that just because you didn’t get any more cards that you’re sitting there with four aces or some such thing. Nope, you can’t fool old Buck. You’re bluffing. At least, I think you are.” Buck glared suspiciously at his friend. “Then again, maybe you ain’t.”
Chris impatiently interrupted. “Come on, Buck, make up your mind. You in or out?”
Buck sat back, making a disgusted sound deep in his throat. After a minute, he threw down his cards. “Aw, hell, I ain’t gonna take the chance. I fold.”
Vin quickly did the same, as did Chris. Ezra was not so hasty. “I must say that I am as conflicted as Mr. Wilmington. That being said, I feel confident enough of the cards that I myself am holding that I see your bet, and will, in fact, double the wager.” Ezra raised an eyebrow. “Do you, Sir, accept the challenge?”
JD tried unsuccessfully to raise his own eyebrow. Shoving his own contribution into the pot, JD announced, “I’ll see your bet, and raise you, too.”
Ezra announced, “I call.”
JD laid down his cards with a flourish. “I may not have four aces, but I got three of ‘em, and a pair of queens to keep ‘em company.”
Ezra blandly laid out his own cards. “While I may not have any aces, I do have one, two, three, and four kings. I believe that my four of a kind outranks your full house.” Ezra gathered in his winnings with a smile of satisfaction.
JD slammed his hand against the table in frustration. “Damn it, Ezra, that was the best hand I had all day. Why couldn’t you pull out them four kings last hand, when Buck took the pot with a pair of tens?”
Ezra simply shrugged. “That is why they call it the luck of the draw.” JD’s friends took a few minutes to tease him about his unfortunate turn of luck.
Buck took his turn at heaping humiliation on JD, then began one of his big windys. “I remember a time down in Texas when I was playing cards with a lady by the name of Lucky Lulu . . .”
Vin took advantage of the pause in the action to rise from the table. He announced, “I’m gonna sit out the next couple of hands. Just wanna stretch my legs a bit.” In truth, after hours of being surrounded by the odors of stale beer and wet hide coats, Vin felt the need for a breath of fresh air, no matter how damp. Besides which, he’d heard the tale that Buck was in the process of telling about half a dozen times before, in one form or another. The women got prettier every time Buck spun the yarn, and his actions grew all the more heroic. The end result was that Vin happened to be standing out on the boardwalk when the cry of, “Stop! Thief!” rang out.
Click to finish the pun . . . if you dare . . .
(Perpetrator: Beth Green. Click the link to read a few more excellent puns!)
