Getting My Rant On.
am an atheist for a variety of reasons, all of which culminate in the fact that when it comes to religion, I don’t need it, I don’t want it, and I don’t believe in it. I don’t believe in gods or goddesses, spirits, UFOs, Big Foot (I do believe in Squatches, because one of them writes here occasionally), the Loch Ness monster, fairies, elves, vampires, Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, or George W. Bush. None of that stuff exists. This is not something I decided upon over night. I didn’t just wake up this morning and say to myself, “Y’know what? Screw it. I don’t believe.” On the contrary, I clung to belief long after it was logical to give it up. Becoming an atheist was a gradual process that happened over several years, after a lot of thought, consideration, study, and reading. In fact, I only really stepped out of agnosticism and all the way into atheism a few years ago. After several years of kicking things around in my head, I finally came to the inescapable conclusion that I was playing Pascal’s Wager, and that doing so was cowardly and intellectually dishonest of me.
So, it’s not like I just got home from a bad night at work and said, “Fuck god! He’s a bastard anyway!” and proceeded to be a bitter, resentful atheist. In fact, I try not to be bitter, resentful, hateful, etc, towards religion at all, although I have to admit, some of the fundie nutters out there are making that really difficult for me. Like the song up there says, “Now I am an anti-Christian, but before you get the rope, there’s beauty in religion, and joy and love and hope . . . ”
The Bible is a big book, and there’s a lot in it, and plenty of it is good, sound advice, wise and moral, and pretty to read. Of course, there’s plenty in there that’s just plain horrible, too — the one that comes to mind is the bit were God makes the guy get ready to sacrifice his own son to the glory of Yaweh or whatever, and then at the last second, after the guy’s agonized and suffered over it, but is ready to do it anyway, God says, “Cyke! Just kidding! You don’t have to kill your boy, I just wanted to see if you would if I asked.” Seriously, you know what? That’s more on the level of an omniscient frat boy’s practical joke, not the actions of an all-knowing, all-loving god that I should trust and worship. So, there may be wisdom in the Bible, but that’s no reason, in my mind, to hold it up above all other books. There’s wisdom everywhere. An intelligent person can find wisdom in the funny pages.
So, I’m not a believer, but I can see why people are, and unlike some atheists, I don’t think abolishing religion is going to solve any problems. We’ll just find different reasons to hate each other, kill each other, and argue with each other. We’re monkeys; it’s what monkeys do. They’re always bitching at each other — watch the Discovery Channel sometime, you’ll see what I mean.
But . . .
I am really getting tired of that certain sect of nutjob Christians, who seem to have taken over the religion, who think that somehow in a country where the vast majority of the population claims to be Christian, that they are oppressed. I’m tired of these crazy assholes who have seized upon religion as the perfect excuse to be utter tyrannical dickheads to all those around them who don’t believe as they do, and I am really sick and fucking tired of being considered as some sort of fucking pariah because I don’t believe in your weirdo religion.
Worse yet, I’m tired of being considered “misguided” or “mistaken” or treated as a rebellious teen-ager because I don’t believe in a god. I don’t go around calling your average, decent Christian person names, or patronizing them because they do believe, so I would appreciate being treated the same way. I read, I studied, I considered, I “soul”-searched, and I came to a logical decision which so happened to have stripped away whatever gossamer remaining frayed threads of faith I may have had, and I’m fine with that. Fairy tales are something to be read and enjoyed for me, not something I can base my whole freakin’ life around, okay? I don’t piss on regular folks for believing; I’d appreciate not getting pissed on in return for not believing. (However, if you’re being a crazy, hateful fucktard over your religion, whichever one it may be, so far as I’m concerned, it’s open season on your ass.)
And this entire rant is building to a crescendo based around one thing, and that one thing is the movie, The Golden Compass, and the “controversy” that is building around it. Oh, my stars, oh, friends and neighbors, oh, dear readers, I have had enough of this ridiculous bullshit.
A friend of mine forwarded to me, a forward that she had received, concerning the movie. It reads as follows:
Hi everyone I hope ya’ll are injoying your Holiday season!
The reason for this email is to spread the word. “THE GOLDEN COMPASS is a new movie targeted at children, it is now in theaters. This movie is based on the first book of a trilogy written by atheist Philip Pullman. In the final book, a boy and girl “kill God” so they can do as they please. Pullman left little doubt about his intentions when he said in a 2003 interview, “My books are about killing God.” The movie is a watered down version of the first book and is designed to be very attractive in the hope that unsuspecting parents will take their children to see the movie and that the children will want the books for Christmas. The movie has a well known cast including Kevin Bacon, Nicole Kidman, and Sam Elliot. It isbeing extensively advertised so it is crucila to get the word out to warn parents and grand-parents to avoid this movie. The makers of theis film are hoping it will be as big as Harry Potter of the DaVinci Code. Let’s pray that it won’t be!!
PLEASE TELL AS MENY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE TO AVOID THIS TERRIBLE FILM”You can research this movie for your self at http://www.snopes.com/politics/religion/compass.asp.
Before we continue on, please note the poor spelling, grammar, and punctuation, as well as the use of all-caps and font colors. These are prime indicators that you are dealing with the sort of “True Believer™” who is certifiably unhinged, and therefore cannot be reasoned with.
Now, let me test my understanding of both this email, and the controversy surrounding this movie, author, and his books. As I understand this issue, an admittedly atheist author wrote a series of books, in response to the Chronicles of Narnia. This series, His Dark Materials, have an atheist theme. Somehow, that makes three perfectly good, imaginative, well-written books “evil”? Ladies and gentlemen, what the fuck? Are these the first books ever written with an atheist theme? You’re crazy if you think so.
Apparently, Christian fundies are afraid that if people go to see this movie, which has apparently had its “atheism” toned down, the kids will want to read the books, and by reading the books, will magically lose all their faith, and the dirty evil atheists will take over the world. These fucking people are insane. No, really.
Let me explain the books to you, because I’ve actually read them, and unlike the Narnia books, they were actually good. The first Narnia book, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe was pretty good, but after that, they all went to hell. They were so draped in unreadable symbolism that it was only years after reading them, when someone explained to me that the books were meant to be a Christian allegory, that I began to vaguely understand what the damn books were going on about. Dude, it was bad symbolism, okay? Made no damn sense whatsoever. With His Dark Materials, the themes are clear, concise, and easily understandable, because Philip Pullman can actually write.
What are the themes in His Dark Materials? Let me expound. First, you have an over-arching theme of good versus evil, good in the form of free-thinking Lyra and her companions, and evil in the form of the despotic Catholic-like Church that rules Lyra’s world. This church has become corrupt, as all despotic powers eventually will, no matter how well-intentioned they may be. This church is hampering the scientific minds of the time, and perverting their research to do horrible things to children — namely, to rip the souls out of them in an attempt to make them “perfect” and unable to sin.
The second theme in this book is one of anti-autocracy and anti-dogma, easily summed up in the idea of doing your own thinking, not allowing the establishment, whatever that establishment may be, and in this case embodied by the fictionalized church, to do your thinking for you.
So, we are dealing with a series of books, which, in essence, proposes that one should not believe everything one hears, that good will triumph over evil, that love will win out even if it’s painful to do so, and that one should think for oneself.
What in the fuck is wrong with that ideology? I mean, fuck, people, are these not lessons taught in your very own New Testament? Did your Jesus not talk about those very same ideals? What is fucking wrong with you? Ladies and gentlemen, your Jesus was, in fact, a rebel who was bucking the established religious authorities of the times. That’s what got him martyred!
And oh, oh, stand back, kids, I got a big fit coming on here, but these Christian fundies can pass out tracks and pamphlets and bullshit, can leave their hateful Chick tracts all over my damn restaurant in lieu of the tips my girls need to pay their bills, but an atheist writes one fucking book, and the whole world is going to end? How fucking fragile is your religion, anyways? How weak is your miserable faith that one pretty movie will destroy it? Is your pathetic god made of paper, that one movie with Nicole Kidman in will kill him? If so, what a weak, sad, excuse for a god you must worship, indeed!
Do Lyra and her friends “kill god” at the end of the books? Yes, they do. They, in fact, put out of its sad misery a nearly-dead, imprisoned deity, which was already dying of lack of faith, because the evil church of the books had gone astray and put more power and belief in to their own dogmas and edifices than in their god. The “killing” of this “god” may more easily be read as a warning to believe in the proper things rather than what the worldly churches tell you to believe in, than as some sort of atheist screed.
Read your damn books people! This movie could be a boon to any Christian faith which is not afraid to look into their own dogmas and discuss them.
December 12th, 2007 at 3:12 pm
You’ll notice my dear, that anytime an atheist writes anything, or even speaks up about his lack of belief, he instantly becomes a “militant” atheist.
However, when the Theist does so, he’s merely “spreading the good word”.
JavaElemental Reply:
December 19th, 2007 at 2:04 am
Yeah, I’ve noticed that. Damned annoying.
SonOfLiberty Reply:
December 20th, 2007 at 6:31 pm
ZOMG! Militant athiest! Stop spreading your horrible lies and let Jesus save you? I’m praying for you, I just want you to know that.
JavaElemental Reply:
December 23rd, 2007 at 3:05 am
*LMAO*
December 12th, 2007 at 6:04 pm
Am a believer, tho not of the fundi-lit variety; and am reading the Golden Compass. Daughter and Granddaughter just finished the series–Daughter no crazier than before , Granddaughter still thinks nuns are the coolest people on earth.
As you know, Java, I have recently been involved in an aborted attempt at romance with a Very Nice Man–who unfortunatley belongs to a church which requires members to be lobotomized. Because I do not belong to his Church, we were forbidden to date–he was officially “shunnened” by some stricter church members, was removed from his position in Prayer Ministry, and is now facing a board of review…because he sinned unrepentantly by attempting to establish a relationship with me. He is considered to have suffered a spiritual wound, and the fact that he put a relationship with a human, any human, above his souls relationship with Christ Jesus has him in trouble at his church.
Can you believe this? Now, at one time or another I have broken everyone of the ten commandments, and disobeyed everylast one of the suggestions: I have hurt others, and i have hurt myself–but this–this is insanity.
The Bible, as well as every other holy book known to us speaks of compassion, understanding, of outreach and mercy, charity, benevolence–of kindness.
It is the lack of kindness which is becoming the distinguishing characteristic of the fundi-lits of todays america. When time permits, I recommend reading Phillip Yancy’s “whats so Amazing About Grace?”. It is unusually insightful.
Isnt it a pity that a group whose founder, whose leader, chose as his closest friends and followers the fallen women, thieves, publicans, murderers and bandits, fishermen and all manner of the poor, the needy, the desperate—that the “Christians” of today are so very superior in their attitude, so self-righteous and hypocritcal, so condescending, so “holier than thou”–that they are in fact alienating and insulting the very people whom they should be reaching out to ?
In todays headlines on Fark is the story of a muslim who rescued a Jew who wished some Christians Happy Haunakahh when they wished hime Merry Christmas, and was assaulted for doing so. The World is so short of good will and kindness , it seems a tragedy beyond my understanding to reject genuine good wishes.
JavaElemental Reply:
December 19th, 2007 at 2:12 am
I don’t have anything in particular against your average religious person, whatever variety they may be. It’s not my cup of tea, but I’m not going to tell other people what they ought to believe. My problem with the “fundies” is the willful ignorance — the iron-willed refusal to do their own thinking. It’s not as though these people are necessarily stupid . . . plenty of those who qualify as “fundies” are quite bright and learned. They just balls-out refuse to think for themselves, or question anything. It reminds me of the mind trick that the people learned to do in 1984 — doublethink. It scares the fuck out of me.
December 20th, 2007 at 8:17 am
“We’re monkeys; it’s what monkeys do”
Actually, we’re apes, not monkeys. Sorry.
JavaElemental Reply:
December 20th, 2007 at 11:35 am
Yeah, I know, but “monkeys” sounds funnier than “apes”.
arensb Reply:
December 29th, 2007 at 4:26 pm
Besides, aren’t apes a subgroup of monkeys?
JavaElemental Reply:
December 30th, 2007 at 11:17 am
Couldn’t tell you. Biology class was entirely too long ago, in my case.
For the sake of humor, we’ll assume it is. 
December 20th, 2007 at 8:54 am
Wonderful! Thanks to the SG blog round up, I have found some new reading that echoes my sentiments; I wrote about the issue myself here - http://podblack.wordpress.com/2007/12/02/the-golden-compass-censored/
I’ll have to add you to my blogroll!
JavaElemental Reply:
December 20th, 2007 at 11:40 am
Thank-you! I’m surrounded by fundie churches and fundie church members in real life — it’s nice to hear from rational people!
SonOfLiberty Reply:
December 20th, 2007 at 6:38 pm
Try working in an office run by a Pentecostal cult. You don’t have “projects”, you have “missions from God”. It adds a whole new level of excitement. You just have to make sure you can offer three or more ways the Monday morning meeting can do more to glorify Yahweh! Wednesdays are for speaking in tongues and prophesy. Other than thinking they speak directly to a being from another universe, they’re real salt-of-the-earth people.
JavaElemental Reply:
December 23rd, 2007 at 3:06 am
Well, it’s not that bad around here, true, but some days it wanders up close.
December 20th, 2007 at 9:56 am
Well done. I feel much the same way much of the time. My favorite bit of the Bible is “Let’s torture the fuck out of the nicest guy in the world because of a bet.” Now, that’s humor writing!
HJ
JavaElemental Reply:
December 20th, 2007 at 11:45 am
Thank-you!
The Bible is a great book — scariest horror story I’ve ever read. People get stoned, raped, beaten . . . If they made a movie out of the Bible, they’d have to rate it at least NC-17. 
December 20th, 2007 at 10:29 am
Thank you. While I’m not in the US, the “outrage” over this movie was getting on my nerves. I feel better now.
JavaElemental Reply:
December 20th, 2007 at 11:57 am
I’m personally ready to start biting people over this. Where I live, I’m surrounded by fundies and fundie churches, and I’m really tired of hearing about the evil atheist plot to use The Golden Compass to subvert little children and, like, eat them for dinner or something. The fundies aren’t sure what we’re going to do with the kids, but they’re pretty sure it’ll be bad.
It’s nice to hear from folks who agree with me. 
December 20th, 2007 at 3:16 pm
Wait, wait…
Kevin Bacon’s in Golden Compass? Really now.
(You’d think they could spend two minutes to hit IMDB to fact-check, especially if they’re going to throw in a Snopes link. Oy.)
JavaElemental Reply:
December 23rd, 2007 at 3:07 am
Fact check? What?! Jesus said Kevin Bacon was in the film, so he must be! Maybe he’s the one in the polar bear suit.
GreyDuck Reply:
December 23rd, 2007 at 12:35 pm
If those were guys in polar bear suits, then Sir Ian is in surprisingly good shape for a man of his years, to be cavorting around with a child on his back and bitchslapping other polar bears and so on. Who knew?
December 20th, 2007 at 4:12 pm
There’s wisdom everywhere. An intelligent person can find wisdom in the funny pages.
All the wisdom of the world is contained in Calvin and Hobbes.
The Golden Compass is okay, but don’t forget that the Harry Potter series leads to Satan Worship!
And I am awash with envy that you are picking up Chick Tracts. I used to have people slip them into my school bag when I commuted on the ferry - man, even in grade eight they were a riot!
JavaElemental Reply:
December 23rd, 2007 at 3:10 am
All the wisdom of the world is contained in Calvin and Hobbes.
I agree whole-heartedly!
Chick tracts used to be fun a few years ago, when I’d just pick one up every now and again, but they’re really started to get on my last nerve. I’ve got at least one customer who leaves the damn things everywhere, and I’m talking the really hateful, rotten ones. *shudders*
Thursday Reply:
December 24th, 2007 at 1:08 pm
Then may I suggest some white-out and a cork board in your shop…?
http://www.weirdcrap.com/chick/archive.html
December 20th, 2007 at 4:16 pm
Thank you, finally someone who has some sense!!
It’s a book people…just a book, like the Bible, a book.
JavaElemental Reply:
December 23rd, 2007 at 3:14 am
December 20th, 2007 at 6:43 pm
When I went to see the movie, 6 people walked out in disgust. One old lady sitting behind us suddenly goes “Did that woman say daemon?!?! I’m not sitting here for this.” Keeping in mind, this was like, halfway through the movie. I live literally next door to a 10,000+ member mega-church, and I know that NOT seeing this movie was brought up by at least one of their pastors. They bought the tickets expressly so they could walk out in disgust and “shame” everyone else there. I lol’d. I’ve been deep inside that life, so I can’t bring myself to hate them.
JavaElemental Reply:
December 23rd, 2007 at 3:16 am
I try not to hate these people, I really do, but the concept of giving away so much of my freedom of thought just kills me. It really does. And I’m certain that someone of them go just to walk out — I’ve overheard some of my fundie customers planning to do it.
December 21st, 2007 at 6:21 am
Well said! When “The Passion of Christ” (aka, “The Jesus Chainsaw Massacre”) came out near where I lived, a church rented out the local cinema and bought their children - some can’t have been older than 5 - to see it. In the UK this is an 18-certified film - for a good reason - and this people were bringing 5-year old along to watch it; Mel Gibbson can write as much bigoted, violent shite as he likes, and he gets applauded, yet write a book or a film with a - gasp! - atheist underpinning, and you’re branded Worse Than Hitler(tm).
JavaElemental Reply:
December 23rd, 2007 at 3:17 am
Yeah, I saw people taking their little kids to that thing, too! I was freakin’ horrified! That movie wasn’t anything but torture porn, and they were taking their children to see it, just because it had Jesus in it. I was blown away!
December 21st, 2007 at 8:03 am
I think it’s a conspiracy. Does anyone else remember The Last Temptation of Christ, and the controversy surrounding it? I think the Catholic League, and a few other religious organizations, actually have a financial stake in movie and publishing rights of these “godless” movies. Why else would you tell children not to see this movie, unless you wanted them to sneak out and see it, anyway?
JavaElemental Reply:
December 23rd, 2007 at 3:23 am
I think you might be giving them too much credit with your conspiracy theory.
Honestly, I don’t why this movie trips their trigger so much. Your points about Dogma and other movies are excellent. I just don’t get what’s so damn bad about The Golden Compass. Hell, I didn’t even realize they supposedly had an atheist agenda until I started hearing about this controversy. I took a lot of things away from His Dark Materials, but “atheist” wasn’t really one of them.
December 21st, 2007 at 8:11 pm
I don’t think this controversy really has anything to do with anything other than the fact that Pullman’s an atheist, and even that’s a stretch. I’m pretty sure this was all marketing, because honestly, I’ve read the books, and there just isn’t enough there to offend. It’s a decent book, but it’s not the type of book that should have been made into a movie. It’s just not. it really doesn’t have THAT much of a following - it has a following, but nothing like Harry Potter or heck, even Tuck Everlasting. And that’s why it failed - not the crazies making a big deal over it.
JavaElemental Reply:
December 23rd, 2007 at 3:25 am
I assumed they made it into a movie just so they could ride on the fantasy coattails and make some money.
GreyDuck Reply:
December 23rd, 2007 at 12:39 pm
Exactly. Check out the recent slew of fantasy-novel-turned-film releases in the past few years. They’ve gone after some fairly obscure titles. And why not? For one thing, to a standard movie studio executive, ALL imaginative fiction is an unknown property. But since LotR made money… yeah. No such thing as an original idea in that arena.
(It’s not like LotR got made because Hollywood was clamoring for it to be done on account of how famous the books are, rather because Peter Jackson fought tooth and nail to make it happen. So, really, the lame book-to-movie conversions we’ve suffered lately are all his fault.)
December 22nd, 2007 at 6:50 pm
I can’t stand the claims of “oppression” either. I’m a member of the Communist Party. I’ve never whined about how I am persecuted for my beliefs or anything, but I recently met some comrades from states where you cannot hold a public employee job if you’re a member of the Party…and some states where it is illegal all together. Whenever I hear some Christians crying about how they’re “persecuted” I just have to roll my eyes. Come talk to me when your church has been outlawed and maybe I can relate.
JavaElemental Reply:
December 23rd, 2007 at 3:26 am
Exactly. Thank-you.