Fundie Bill
Fundie Bill, the old fart who sits at the coffee counter at work, informs me that there’s a new menace to be wary of, and a new patriotic duty required of us. Apparently, whosit, president of Venezuela, said some rude stuff about Preznit Bush at the UN. I’m sure you heard about it — I did. Chavez, I think his name is, made a speech at the UN, in which he called Bush the devil, along with a lot of other things. (Here’s the story, in case you missed it. Go, Google!)
Apparently, Citgo, the fuel company, is owned by the Venezuelan government, and so, according to Fundie Bill, we aren’t to buy any gas from Citgo ever again.
Also, according to Fundie Bill, Admiral, another gas company, buys their gas from Citgo. So, he informed me the other day, we’re not to buy any gas from Admiral, either.
Now, let me set the scene for you a bit. This happened a few days ago. Just after North Korea exploded their bomb. Of course, there’s a lot of waffling going on about the nuke test — was it a real bomb, did it explode successfully, yaddayaddayadda — but still, at the time of Fundie Bill’s proclamation of the Citgo-Admiral Gas Axis of Evil, the news hounds were all calling it a real nuke, and a successful test. So, on the TV over my shoulder is a picture of Kim Jong-Il pounding on a podium and generally being a nutjob, like he does, while the commentator goes on about nuclear weapons and so forth, and in front of me is Fundie Bill, telling me how evil Chavez is because he called Preznit Bush “the devil”.
”Um, Bill?” I say, knowing this is a lost cause, “don’t we have bigger problems to worry about than Chavez?” I point over my shoulder at Lil’ Kim and the Nukes.
Bill sputters in high affront, singing his spiel about Chavez being evil because he called Our Dear Leader names and so forth, and he’s crazy, and whatnot — supply the Fox News Party Line here, because that’s what it was, and finally, I patted the counter kindly and said, “Bill, one of these men is crazy and has a big mouth. The other is crazy and has a nuke. Which one is the bigger problem here?”
Y’know, honestly, I don’t know why Fundie Bill even talks to me anymore. He knows I’m just going to piss him off and treat him like he’s stupid.
Because he is.
Ol’ Fundie is the type of guy who is a living stereotype. He used to be a traveling salesman, among other things, and was a womanizing, drinking, fighting old cuss, who got sick and then found Jebus, and since then has degenerated into an unthinking, uncritical swallower of the Neo-Con Party Line cock ever since. If I were a conservative, I’d be offended to have this guy on my side. Seriously. Apply some critical thinking skills here, Bill.
