Wednesday Riddles & “News”
Folks. Come on. Mel Gibson’s drunken rant against Jews? Not. News. No, seriously. It isn’t news. It was kind of news the day it happened. The apologies are a nice end cap. But it’s not news anymore. Get it off my Google, okay? He’s a celebrity. He makes movies. I don’t give a damn what his personal views are. All I need to know about Mel Gibson is that he acts well and he has a cute ass. End of story. Paying him all this attention just legitimizes his views.
By the way — you guys at CNN? The Rapture is also not news. Until people are actually floating up through the air into the heavens, and the Four Horsemen are actually riding (and Death had better speak in ALL CAPS), and so on and so forth, it ain’t news. Get it off my CNN.
PS: I’m calling everyone “sugartits” from now on, because it’s fucking funny.
Now for some real news: Fidel Castro’s in the hospital, intestinal bleeding, but stable, according to a report this morning. Exiled Cubans were dancing in the streets in Miami, apparently hoping he’d die. I have bad news, guys. Fidel’s never going to die. He’s just going to keep on dictating until the end of time, because he’s one of those wiry old farts who lives on pure spite and insanity. Your great, great, great, great grandkids are going to be dancing hopefully in the streets when he goes in for his umpteenth billion intestinal surgery 250 years from now. I think he might be a zombie.
Israel opens up another can of whupass in Lebanon, sending in more ground troops. Weren’t we supposed to be having a cease-fire over there?
Preznit Bush is getting fat. Hey, guys. Thanks for taking up my valuable time and screen space with this “news”. Pffft.
Here’s a good one: They’re finally thinking of making the “Morning After” pill over-the-counter. As long as you’re over eighteen. Because as kids, none of us had friends who were over eighteen to buy shit for us. Heh.
And, lookee here, a fat vaccine. Can we get some of that for Preznit Bush? Apparently, he’s real worried about that four pounds, or whatever.
I’m divided on a fat vaccine. On one hand, I know that lots of overweight people have glandular problems and problems with reactions to medicines — like my friend Mary, who is on, like, four different medications that cause weight gain and/or prevent weight loss, and is basically screwed when it comes to losing weight. Or another couple of friends of mine who have severe physical problems which prevent them from exersizing, and so are dangerously over-weight. On the other hand, a whole lot of people are fat because they’re lazy bums who eat a lot.
Of course, the fact that I’m a lazy bum who eats badly will not prevent me from getting this vaccine, should it become available. Heh.
And, in other news, I turn thirty tomorrow. Happy birthday to me! Tonight, I’m going out to my parents’ house for a bit of dinner and stuff, maybe spending some birthday money on the way home. In the meantime, I need to clean up the house before leaving, so I need to get off here.
PS: Five more working days until GenCon. 
Jeez! Almost forgot! Your Wednesday Riddle:
Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?
Highlight for the answer: Sure you can: Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow!
August 2nd, 2006 at 2:23 pm
Ah, so *here’s* where you ran off to while I wasn’t paying enough attention to the internet! Lord, how I’ve missed your rants. They always make me laugh. Also, I am totally with you on the vaccine. My own personal point of view is, if they can’t invent a healthy chocolate or a tasty broccoli, then dammit, somebody *owes* me a vaccine!
Also, the answer to the riddle without looking: yesterday, today, tomorrow, or 1st, 2nd, 3rd or Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day. I r smrt!
August 2nd, 2006 at 4:16 pm
OF COURSE I SPEAK IN ALL CAPS. ANYTHING ELSE WOULD BE BENEATH ME.
ALSO, I AM VERY FOND OF CATS.
August 3rd, 2006 at 3:51 am
HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU SAUCY TART!
…uhm… yeah.
heh heh heh. Happy birthday, young ‘un. It’s all downhill from here. LOL