Ladies and gentlemen, drumroll please! There are 7 working days left until GenCon! It (and my vacation along with it) cannot get here fast enough.

     From PunoftheDay:
     A businessman from Wisconsin went on a business trip to Louisiana. Upon arrival, he immediately plugged his laptop into the hotel room port and sent a short email back home to his wife, Jennifer Johnson, at her address, JennJohn@world.net.
     Unfortunately, in his haste, he mistyped a letter and the email ended up going to JeanJohn@world.net.
     A Jean Johnson in Duluth was the wife of a preacher who had just passed away and was buried that day. The preacher’s wife took one look at the email and promptly fainted.
     It read, “Arrived safely, but it sure is hot down here!”

     From GiFS, a great post about Rev. Gregory A. Boyd of Woodland Hills Church in St. Paul (NYT login, username coffeehousepoet, password coffeehousepoet). This is what I want to hear from religious leaders.
     
     Meanwhile, like most of the country, we’re in the midst of a killer heatwave (no such thing as global warming, nope, no way). The weather folks are predicting a scorching 105° today (and humid as all hell, too). My cooks are going to be miserable. I intend to tell them to shut down several pieces of equipment in the kitchen, like the steam table, pizza oven, and charbroiler, to reduce the heat output in there. I may even have the restaurant spring for Gatorade or Poweraid for the boys.
     Also, I’ve found a line on cheap hardwood flooring. It seems that one of the local bowling alleys, where an acquaintance of mine works, is having new lanes put in. My friend informs me that her boss will be selling off the sections of old maple lanes very cheaply. I’m having her get a price for me, and then we’ll go have a look, and see if it’s in any shape to be used. If so — cheap hardwood floors for me! Woohoo!
     Considering that I drive a little oven with no AC, and it’s a million and a half degrees out there today, I’m thinking I’m wearing a skirt to work. I’ve got a nice black one that will do just fine. Otherwise, I’ll probably melt on the way in, and we don’t want that.

     A sailor was caught AWOL as he tried to sneak on board his ship at about 3 am. The chief petty officer spied him and ordered the sailor to stop. The officer ordered the sailor, “Take this broom and sweep every link on this anchor chain by morning or it’s the brig for you!”
     The sailor picked up the broom and started to sweep the chain.
     Just then, a tern landed on the broom handle. The sailor yelled at the bird to leave, but it didn’t. The lad picked the tern off the broom handle, giving the bird a toss.
     The bird left, only to return and light once again on the broom handle. The sailor went through the same routine all over again, with the same result.
     He couldn’t get any cleaning done because he could only sweep at the chain once or twice before the silly bird came back.
     When morning came, so did the chief petty officer, to check up on his wayward sailor.
     ”What on earth have you been doing all night? This chain is no cleaner than when you started! What have you to say for yourself, sailor?” barked the chief.
     ”Honest, chief,” came the reply, “I tossed a tern all night and couldn’t sweep a link!”

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This entry was posted on Monday, July 31st, 2006 at 1:37 pm and is filed under Punday Night, Real Life, Religion. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.