Add Rice and Bring To Boil — WASHINGTON, DC, United States (UPI) — The visit to beleaguered Lebanese capital Beirut by U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice Monday gave many Lebanese a few hours of hope that the secretary`s magical Middle Eastern tour would somehow manage to stop the murderous conflict — a war which the vast majority of Lebanese have no control over.
     Actually, I’m only quoting this article for the title. I’m not even sure if it says anything useful.
     Two weeks into the mess, now, and Israel continues chucking bombs, and Hezbollah continues chucking bombs, and the rest of the folks bleed and suffer and sit in sweltering hot bomb shelters, watching their neighborhood blow up live on CNN. Ain’t this planet a fucked up mess? I read an article in the local newspaper a few days ago — only place I’ve heard a mention of this, too, because none of the major networks have said a word about it — that we expedited a shipment of bombs to Israel a few days ago.
     Yes. Israel called up and said, “Hey, George, need more bombs. We’ve about used the last batch up.” They paid the extra ten bucks for overnight delivery and everything. We shipped the bombs, and then a couple of days later, we shipped Rice out, and sent in some marines for “humanitarian aid” — I’m sorry. This seems fucked up to me. Maybe I’m crazy here, but you know.

     Slather It On: Potent New Sunscreen Approved by FDA — ABC News July 24, 2006 — For the first time since 1988, the Food and Drug Administration today approved a new type of sunscreen compound that protects skin from shortwave ultraviolet A light and doesn’t break down as easily as other products.
     Yay! I remember hearing about this stuff last year. It’s supposed to be really good stuff, very effective. Of course, I haven’t seen any significant amount of sunlight in, like, nine years, so it’s not like I use a lot of sunscreen, but you know. For the rest of you people who go out during the day. Under the big glowing hot ball of sunny death. Right.

     Leading lawyers say Bush creates loopholes in laws he doesn’t like — President George Bush’s practice of writing exceptions to legislation as he signs it into law represents a violation of the constitution and a danger to democracy, America’s leading lawyers alleged yesterday.
     *ahem* No fucking shit, really? This newsflash brought to you by the friendly folks at StatingTheFuckingObvious.com. I mean, seriously. We have to keep asking this question? The guy, and his administration, are breaking the fucking law on a daily basis, and we’re letting him get away with it. Not only letting him, in fact, but willfully jamming our fingers into our ears and singing “LALALALALALALALALALALA” at the tops of our collective lungs when someone tries to tell us about it. The Bush Administration are a bunch of criminals, guys. This is not surprising news.

     In other news, Jazz and I have been having arguments about bladder control, specifically, her lack thereof. As in, the minute we all leave the house, she just piddles wherever she wants, instead of holding it. As you might imagine, this has gotten very frustrating.
     I think that part of this problem is an issue of capacity. Small dog = small bladder = can’t hold it as long as, say, Grim can. (Grim, I’d like to point out, has never one time messed in the house since he’s been house broken.) Of course, she’ll also poop in the house while we’re gone. Had I thought about it while I was house breaking Jazz, I would have box-trained her as well as training her to go outside. Now, I think it might be too late to do that.
     I spend a lot of time cleaning carpets now. In fact, just the other night, I had to shampoo the carpets — again.
     I bought one of those doggie diapers for Jazz. She was utterly heartbroken when I put it on her. I have never seen an animal look so completely offended and dejected as little Jazz after I got the diaper on her. See for yourself:

     In fact, even now, Jazz is looking over my shoulder, realizing that I’m putting pictures of her in a diaper up on the Internet, and voicing long, heart wrenching sighs of embarrassment.
     You think I’m kidding, don’t you?
     I arrived home after the Great Diaper Experiment, to find Jazz running around diaper free, and the diaper on the floor, pad torn out of it and shredded into a neat and tidy little pile of fluff. Jasmin could not have made her feelings any more clear if she had met me at the door and given me the Finger.
     Also, she had peed on the floor. Just to make her point.

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